this mystery

If we could see. If we could read the Letter.
If, seated on high, amidst the authors of our destinies,
we could read the book of our life.
Which is written. Already written, finished.
But we shall never know our story. We are only characters in it.
And to think that there will be readers of our book.

Helene Cixous (taken from D. Allender's To be told)

Knock Knock.

Who's there? Your birthday- almost.

short and sweet

So I have thoroughly enjoyed my stint as “stay at home daughter” for the past several months, but the time has come for me to move on. Thanks mom and dad for taking Wally and I in when we quit our jobs, broke the lease on our apartment, and hauled our crazy little selves up here. Seriously appreciate it. You guys are the best! I love you!

In other news, I’m all over California right now, both literally and figuratively. From SLO to Loma Linda and then up to Santa Cruz in a weekend. New people, new places, new things. Let’s just say the whirlwind has begun. I’m excited for this summer and also still a little preoccupied with what to do next, although I'm not going to let it get to me quite yet. Life will reveal herself in due time. And as for the couple of ideas I have up my sleeve... well they may or may not mean anything at all.

I feel heavy.

Isn’t it weird how you actually feel things in your heart. How do all the little feelings know to go right there? That’s what I’d like to know. Goodnight.

Girls Rock!!

“What happens to the girls as they are given a temporary reprieve from being sexualized, analyzed and pressured to conform is truly moving and revolutionary” (Hot Docs)




This movie made me laugh and cry. It definitely breaks my heart that little girls are growing up so fast these days, and dealing with pressures that they shouldn’t even know about yet. I mean I remember building forts and riding my bicycle at age ten, not dieting or texting boys or considering cosmetic surgery… oh sweet little tweens.

I love what this camp stands for and I admire these rocker chicks for how they are making such a positive impact on girls. I may never be cool enough to work at a rock camp but I definitely would love to work with girls in some kind of equally supportive and empowering environment. Rock On!

Por Favor!

This song makes me nostalgic. It reminds me of dancing around the Houston Way house with Nikki and Hope when we were little. It also makes me want to travel to South America right now with just a backpack and a thermos full of Coca tea. Who's in?

Fools for Jesus. Or just plain foolish.

Been thinking a lot about the conflict I feel about being Christian. Or rather identifying myself as a Christian. I think it’s a trap. And I don’t like it. One time I was getting out of my car in this huge parking lot when this really awkward man with one of those catchy Christian shirts (I believe it was either “Subway” cleverly spelled “HisWay” or else the typical WWJD…) invaded my space and forced me to take not one but two ugly leather key chains that had bible verses on them. I actually felt embarrassed for him and took the two key chains out of pity. He told me that Jesus loved me and that I should have a nice day. Really? I mean seriously.

Christianity is affiliated with all things gross. Rich people. Gluttons. Republicans. Intolerance. Potlucks. Oh yeah crusaders too. And we wonder why people don’t buy the BS. Instead we pray for those “lost souls” who told us to F off when we offered them evangelical literature. Oh my. This is bad.

The worst, most conflicting part for me, is that I find myself struggling with the very same feelings of intolerance and disgust that I claim to abhor, toward those conservative Christians whom I should love. Yikes. Where is mercy and grace and love. I think Anne Lamott hits the nail on the head when she writes:

“You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do”.

Has the progressive Christian become the new “Holier than thou”. I am too ashamed to answer.